HOUSE OF HORACE Selected scenes Written by Susanna Bonaretti Horace’s house INT. HORACE’S DINING ROOM – EVENING (HORACE, GIACOBBE , MRS WILSON-SMITH) HORACE and GIACOBBE are having dinner. HORACE is trying to read and edit a manuscript as well as eat. GIACOBBE reaches across for the salt. He cries in pain. GIACOBBE Ooo...pass the salt. My shoulder. Che male! HORACE passes the salt without looking up. GIACOBBE (CONT’D) (Reaching for the pepper) Pepper. Ahhh-ooo. HORACE passes the pepper still not looking up or reacting. GIACOBBE (CONT’D) (Annoyed) Pass the butter. Careful my shoulder. HORACE Pa, I’m trying to read! GIACOBBE My shoulder is killing me! HORACE Use your other arm...unless you want to die? GIACOBBE You want me to die, ei? You no care. HORACE Pa! GIACOBBE You want this house, ei, all my money, my clothes...you can't wait for me to take my last breath! HORACE At least you'd stop talking! GIACOBBE You are bad son! Why you no shoot me, ei? Why you no pay Spit to shoot me? Fifty dollar for cat, hundred dollar for father! You no have? I give! He gets up, fumbles for his wallet and rips out some notes. GIACOBBE (CONT’D) Ecco! Five, ten, twenty... eh! Take from inheritance! MRS WILSON-SMITH cheerily pops her head around the kitchen door. She is neatly dressed as always. MRS WILSON-SMITH Hello, boys. I’m not interrupting anything, am I? She comes in carrying a pan of bread and butter pudding. HORACE No, we’re just negotiating a contract. HORACE gets up, takes the notes from GIACOBBE and stuffs them into his own pocket. HORACE (CONT’D) You owe me eighty. MRS WILSON-SMITH I thought you might like some fresh bread and butter pudding. HORACE Ooooo , yes, please. GIACOBBE (Holding out his sore arm) Give me back money. HORACE We have a deal. How's your shoulder? Frantic knock at the front door. HORACE (CONT’D) Get that, Pa, and use your other arm. GIACOBBE (Mumbling as he goes out) Servant! Porca la miseria! He should be serving me... MRS WILSON-SMITH Is he all right, dear? His shoulder? HORACE Shoulder's fine but his bum could do with a well-planted foot in it. MRS WILSON-SMITH Oh, don’t be harsh on the poor old dear, dear. It wouldn’t have been easy bringing up a son all alone. GIACOBBE returns. GIACOBBE (To HORACE) Ei, Moe, Curly and Larry here to see you. HORACE goes out. MRS WILSON-SMITH Pudding, dear? GIACOBBE No hungry, Missez. Maybe if he no kill me. MRS WILSON-SMITH Oh, righto. I’ll keep it warm, then. GIACOBBE You too no care, ei, Missez? MRS WILSON-SMITH Hmm? GIACOBBE You no care my only son kill his only father. And for one hundred dollars! MRS WILSON-SMITH I’m sure you’re mistaken, Jacob. A hundred dollars? It’s not really very much is it? Even for an old cocky that's about to drop off his perch. End of scene Horace’s house INT. HORACE’S DINING ROOM – EVENING (HORACE, GIACOBBE) HORACE and GIACOBBE are finishing their dinner. GIACOBBE is not paying attention, engrossed in his meal. HORACE ...and then Spit, the drop kick, takes the job! I mean, he doesn’t even know who this guy is! Beat. HORACE looks over to GIACOBBE. HORACE (CONT’D) You haven’t heard a word I’ve said. GIACOBBE Ei? I eat. I listen. HORACE What did I say? Beat. GIACOBBE Is any dessert? HORACE I give up! HORACE stands and gathers the dirty dishes. GIACOBBE I hear what you say. You say man...give pub...photo...Mexican cat and you give to Vittoria. HORACE Close. (Exploding) Spit's getting paid fifty bucks to kill a cat! A pest! Something that sits around, useless! (Re GIACOBBE) Maybe he'll do two for the price of one! GIACOBBE Ei! You no talk like that of your father. HORACE Hah! That, you understood! GIACOBBE Is no Sicily here. You no hire killer for kill your father! HORACE Oh, for God's sake! I was talking about Spit! GIACOBBE What about Spit? HORACE He’s been hired...ah, forget it. I’m going to do the dishes. He takes the dishes to the kitchen. GIACOBBE Gelato...? EnD of scene Solomon and solomon office Int. SOLOMON AND SOLOMON GENERAL OFFICE - day (spit, andrea, horace, victoria) SPIT, agitated, comes in following ANDREA to her desk. HORACE is at his desk, working. ANDREA No! SPIT But... (Resigned) Well, stiff shingles. Just tell her I lost it. What can she do? HoRAce What? What’s happened? ANDREA Spit’s lost an envelope with seven hundred dollars in it. HORACE (Disbelief) Oh, yeah. SPIT Yeah, I did lose it. VICTORIA What? SPIT jumps. SPIT Sheesh, Vicky! What are ya, a black ninja? Victoria Vic. Toria. What’s going on? SPIT, ANDREA and HORACE glace at each other. HORACE is in awe of VICTORIA, a little dribble forming. Spit Nuthin. Vic. Toria. VICTORIA Andrea? ANDREA Um...it appears that...Spit - Spit It’s nuthin. A piddly little C.O.D. is all. Andy said we could claim it on insurance, like. VICTORIA Well, “Andy” was wrong. How much? SPIT Seven hun - VICTORIA Seven hundred?!!! Find it! By tomorrow morning! SPIT But - VICTORIA Not but. Or. SPIT Or? VICTORIA You’re fired! She storms off towards her office. HORACE (Timid, after her) Good morning, Victoria... (He wipes his mouth.) SpIT Shite! I need this job. (To HORACE) You gotta help me, Horace, buddy. I ain’t got that sorta dough. HORACE And you think I have? I’ve got a hypochondriacal father to support who loves losing at cards every Tuesday night. Can’t help you, mate. SPIT Andy - ANDREA No! No way! All my extra goes to helping my family. SPIT Crikey, how much does metho cost these days? ANDREA Hah! Let me answer you in language you understand: Bugger off! VICTORIA comes back in. VICTORIA (To SPIT) Why are you still here? Get loaded! (To HORACE) And you, Maurice - HoRACE (Timid) Horace. VICTORIA Whatever. That revision... (She looks at his mouth closely) Are you dribbling? End of scene Solomon and solomon office Int. Solomon and SOLOMON office - day (SPIT, ANDREA, HORACE) Mission statement on wall ANDREA and SPIT are at a desk. HORACE races in juggling his briefcase and an old camera. HORACE Good morning, good morning, good morning! He dumps his stuff on his desk and glances at the clock. HORACE (CONT’D) Made it! SPIT (Re the camera) Wow. Is that...? He goes to HORACE'S desk and fingers the camera. ANDREA Good morning, Horace. (She smiles like she has a secret she's dying to tell) How's your day so far? HORACE Let's see. Waylaid by a demanding but nice neighbour, harassed by a demanding but not-so-nice father. Yeah, all good so far. (Noticing) What’s so funny? ANDREA Nothing. SPIT Where’d you get this? HORACE Huh? That? It’s my dad’s. (To ANDREA) So why the cheese-face? ANDREA I’ve joined a gym. SPIT You know what this is? HORACE (To SPIT) Well, yeah! It’s a camera. Be careful! (To ANDREA) So? SPIT Not just any friggin camera, mate. It’s an Agfa Isolette two... ANDREA I’m going tonight. SPIT ...with an Agfa Solinar F three point five, seventy-five millimetre lens... HORACE (To ANDREA) So? SPIT ...and a Prontor S.V.S. shutter. ANDREA Same gym Victoria goes to. SPIT A friggin classic. HORACE Victoria?...So...? ANDREA’S smile widens. SPIT You want to sell it? ANDREA She’s going tonight, too. HORACE So? ANDREA So, after we get all hot and sweaty, I'm going to ask her out for a cup of coffee... HORACE Yeah, sure. ANDREA ...maybe dinner... HORACE Won't happen. ANDREA ...then, maybe my place... HORACE You're living in dreamworld. ANDREA Maybe. But I’m the one going to the gym tonight, not you. (She picks up a pile of papers and leaves, singing) “Tonight’s the night, it’s gonna be all right...” I'll be downstairs. HORACE Don’t get a hernia begging her to go out with you. It won’t happen! SPIT How much you want for it? HORACE Huh? What? For what? SPIT The camera, boofhead! How much you want for the friggin camera? HORACE It’s not for sale. It's my dad's. (Beat) How come you didn’t tell me Andy joined the gym? SPIT What. Are you jealous? HORACE reacts. SPIT (CONT’D) Gor, I can see why. All them tasty, hot crumpets stuffed into skin-tight lycra, trickles of salty sweat rolling down between all them big round, soft handfuls of bouncy boobies... HORACE is mesmerised. SPIT (CONT’D) Looks like randy Andy’s going to get first bite of you-know-who's cherries, eh? (Beat) You can wipe the dribble off your face, mate. HORACE reacts. SPIT (CONT’D) Too bad you won’t be there. HORACE I just might go. SPIT Not this gym. HORACE What’s so special about “this gym”? SPIT hesitates - an opportunity! SPIT Nuthin. Nuthin. Jess I don't reckon you'd be seeing the inside, is all, Horace, let alone actually pumping away with Victoria. HORACE I'll go if I want to go. SPIT Yeah right. You ain't got the balls to go. HORACE Wrong, Spit. I've got them. SPIT Then again, maybe you got two too many. END OF SCENE

HOUSE OF HORACE - Selected Scenes .

Ahhh-ooo. Che Moe Toria. arse dear. dick ei? mins secs

.

THE CONTENTS OF THIS DOCUMENT ARE STRICTLY PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL House of Horace PROMO SCENES 1-4 by Susanna Bonaretti COPYRIGHT Susanna Bonaretti PO Box 349 Sans Souci, NSW, 2219 Australia +61 (0)412 287 219 (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E HORACE'S DINING ROOM – LATER THAT EVENING MISSION STATEMENT ON WALL SOLOMON AND SOLOMON OFFICE DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.